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Serve The Servants

9th April 1994

I was 11 years old, old enough to be feeling discontemp at my life and resentment to my family members. When 1994 began terrible events began happening in my life,many things were changing for the worst.

Life beforehand hadn't been so bad, or when it had been, I had been too young to realise. By now at school I was increasingly alienated by my peers, and shunned by my teachers. My favorite band was Nirvana. Their music was powerful, angry, sad and uplifting at the same time. I'd jump excitedly on my bed singing along to the songs, with their morbid and dark subject matter which struck a chord with me, complemented with catchy and rocking music. It was my perfect remedy, my escape

I awoke that autumn morning, it was a saturday in New Zealand. I was playing Rugby in Wellingtons under 11 age group for Northern United. I got changed by the heater in the lounge as usual into the blue shorts, blue and white socks and white with blue striped jersey, turned on the radio and ate breakfast, again as usual. Then the news came on, and they announced "Kurt Cobain, lead singer of rock band Nirvana was found dead this morning in his Seattle home" My world crumbled, my heart shattered, my hero, my idol was dead.

For the next few weeks/months, I lost it. At 11 years old these kinds of things have a more powerful effect. I became even more isolated, Began self harm and was sent to counseling.

That was 20 years ago today, things have changed a lot since then, for the better, and I'm no longer obsessed with Nirvana as I was then. But it was a significant moment in my childhood, and the point of this is to commemorate Kurt Cobain 20 years later, and to awknowledge the impact his life, creativity, music had on me.

R.I.P

20-2-67  5-4-94

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Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
zemilith
Apr. 30th, 2014 06:19 am (UTC)
This was a cool post Twigz, a shame more peeps dont use this site. Although you probably put it on Facefuck as well, i dont bother with it but i have nothing against it. Nirvana was big when i was in highskool, the news of the Cobain suicide hit everybody hard. In Utero was thrashed to fuck at so many parties that i actually got sick of it. I love that album though, its very nostalgic to hear now. The only Nirvana cds i own now are a best of that has a cover of Bowie's The Man Who Sold The World & the other one is a Heart Shaped Box single. Alot of my peers at the time thought he took a cowardly way out, i told them to fuck up because its your life & if you want to end it then end it. Thing is its the people you leave behind, family etc. But its still your right, old Japanese lore considers suicide honourable
jaimierain
May. 9th, 2014 10:28 am (UTC)
Ahh Nah I aint been on Facefuck for a few Months. I shared that here BECAUSE noone uses this site anymore.
Ah yeah you're a couple years older than me right, so it would've been popular teen shit to you at the time. I was about 8-9 when Teen Spirit came out, so I missed out on the whole - everyone in the tshirts thrashing the albums at parties era. It probably was to you what KoRn was to me. That was the popular alt/rock band in my era
Yeah, On any other circumstance I'd think the guy has every right, he feels miserable etc..it's his life But the thing is he had a kid, and a wife who was unstable and also a junkie and he chose to abandon them. So I agree that he was a coward for what he did
zemilith
May. 11th, 2014 10:54 am (UTC)
I guess in a way but I don't think he was to blame in the end. His fucked up junkie wife didn't help but you don't have to be with somebody who drags you down to the point of suicide. I mean I know it's a lot of mixed emotions when you love somebody and have a kid (I assume) but there were other factors that contributed like escaping the fame that he despised, health problems, anxiety, fragile mental state etc. Sometimes the only way to make everything stop is to kill yourself. It does the job. I wouldn't say I'm pro suicide but I'm definately not against it
jaimierain
May. 17th, 2014 10:08 am (UTC)
I think she was a factor in him taking his life, she's obviously difficult, add to that that he'd got her back on heroin the enviroment would have been toxic.
I think he craved fame, it's all he ever dreamed of having. I just think he became disillusioned when he had it, like he thought it would fix all his problems.
I'm all for suicide, It's your life you should be allowed to choose when to end it, BUT in his circumstance it was selfish and cowardly as he left his daughter, and left his now heroin addicted wife to raise this daughter alone.
zemilith
May. 20th, 2014 09:50 pm (UTC)
Lol well that sounds like it could even have been one of Kurt's own lyrics- "I'm so selfish and cowardly..." Kinda like in Pennyroyal Tea- "I'm a liar and a thief..." Admitting ones own faults and flaws with blatant honesty. I think we will just have to agree to disagree on this one Twigz, I always thought he was the man and his suicide never changed my opinion of him. He saw a way out and took it, I'm sure he loved his wife and daughter but when it came to his death he obviously didn't care. Leaving people money helps but doesn't make it any easier to deal with emotionally. Game over
zemilith
Nov. 5th, 2014 10:41 pm (UTC)
Hey Twigz, please email me about Scott when you can. I don't do FB

zemilith@hotmail.com
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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